i’m sorry, i’m just mentally ill
This is a poem I wrote about my mental health state when I feel at my worst and how sometimes I feel people don’t really understand all the ways it effects me, I do try hard to “get rid” of it and heal but I think i’ve come to terms with this is just me. Maybe in the future I may be able to get a hold of it more sustainably but not right now so I hope this poem gives a little insight to what the “bummer” person is trying not to be.
By Robyn (she/her)
I’m sorry I don’t know what to do and get so confused
If I’ve hurt you or made you feel blue
When I can’t quite get my thoughts through
And when I’m suddenly in a new mood.
It’s just sometimes it’s hard not to overthink
My mind ruminates and my heart begins to sink
I bite my nails and start to zone out
to imagine something sad, uncomfortable or just plain horrible.
My mind tells me lies and makes me believe things that are not true
So believe me when I tell you
This is not who I am or like to be
The real me is working so hard to see clearly
She comes out in waves of hope and laughter or sometimes in a tight throat as she holds back her tears
Therapy helps for 16 weeks,
16 weeks of heartbreak, honesty and a new mental policy
16 weeks and then it’s gone and I’m back to facing the world alone
With a book of notes and a pen
I’m strong until I grow weaker again
And I’ve forgotten what it was Julia spoke of
Now I’m back to hating me
My body,
My decisions,
What do I do with my hair?
My desperate need to be validated;
To be told I’m getting “it” right.
Flooded with thoughts
Barely feeling afloat
I can’t grab hold of anything
To make me feel stable and still
I’m sorry I’m genuinely
Just mentally ill.
